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The fantasy is over

February 14, 2010

Like a flower she was beautiful; Like a torn she bled me; Like a man I loved her.

This will be the last piece in this blog. No more writing. I finally quit writing after about a year of being inspired to do so. Everything was just a dream to begin with, nothing was ever real about the sensation of having some sort of feeling of fulfillment; the fulfillment of having a dream, something to look forward to in the future, to want to be somebody one day. It was just an illusion I didn’t want to snap myself out from.

I was blinded by the way it gave me happiness, the way it made me feel whole, made me feel real, even. I’ve always known that there will come a day that I’ll have to stop writing but I never knew it would be this soon. You see, I realized that I got into writing, really got into it, last February 14; Valentine’s Day. It was so stupid too not to mention very immature of me to be inspired on the date that I knew I would curse myself for one day.

I was inspired by that girl to write and with the same inspiration to make me stop. I had to. Otherwise I’ll never be able to get over her. If I wanted to quit her and still write then it would be like closing a wound and opening it again. I’ll be the one that’s hurting in the end. I’d be carrying my own anchor.

I wish she knew that I truly loved her. That’s how true my feelings for her can get. She doesn’t know but everything in this blog, I mean everything, stemmed from me dreaming of a world where I was close to her; where she liked me. Yes, everything you see here is inspired by my dumb feelings for her. Feelings of not just love but of grief and frustration as well.

Everything; from the very first thing I published here to the very last. This was all secretly dedicated to her or rather how I imagined my life with her and without her.

When I knew of the impending danger my feelings were harboring towards her, I really wanted to stop. Red as the light may go, I wanted to push the breaks. However, my emotions overpowered my mind and kept on going. And kept going I did. I sought help from various people already. She, my inspiration, was just too damn hard to forget.

I mean how could I? God wasn’t helping me forget her one bit. She was just everywhere; her name was everywhere.

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Lady Anorexia

February 14, 2010

Everyday I always see,

This beautiful little lady.

Sitting right next to me,

How pallid and thin was she!

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Her skin white complexion pales;

Eyes sinking, veins showing.

Her beauty disappears, vanishing

Lovely she no longer is

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Her elbows sticking out; spikes.

Fingers like dry branches without leaves.

She bore no flower, no fruit.

Drought settled; life goes away.

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She’s a total stranger now.

Far from the one I loved.

Her Lust for beauty ended.

She died; her heart gave out.

Quits

January 4, 2010

We had it best, the two of us.

Until it was gone with the  wind’s gust.

I cried, cried, and cried some more.

I thought of suicide like never before.

***

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P.I.

December 12, 2009

Matagal na kitang mahal,

Alam ng poong may kapal.

Simula pa lang, ikaw na talaga,

Wala na kong ginustong iba .

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A Little Fantasy Chapter 2: Never Forgotten

December 8, 2009

Prologue

Chapter 1

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ALEX

August 29 2014

I’m busy preparing myself for my first happy time since that day. Hannah’s a breath of fresh air. But I really wonder how she got the timing right. Still, what she did for me this morning was such a pleasant surprise. I really should be thankful.

I got myself wearing a striped, black and white, long sleeved polo with black and white chequered denim pants with my shoes being a low-cut converse with shades of black and white to match my awesome monochrome look.. Hannah’s fond of wearing colors. I just hope she likes my black and white life.

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I still do

December 6, 2009

“I’m sorry” was all I could say,

Yet you still kept on your way.

It saddens me now that you’re gone;

I suffer from what I’ve done.

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Love Note

December 4, 2009

I’ve been lying to myself this past few weeks.

I really did my best to hate you.

I even went as far as bash you in my blogs and other sites with no apparent reason except for fun and enjoyment.

But you know what? with every curse I put next to your name, I hurt. Alot.

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