The days when songs I listen to gave my life more meaning than it should are over.
I’ve forgotten their purpose, as I have forgotten you.
*shoots her picture in the face*
And my life reverts to emptiness, and meaning, lost.
Still, memories of bliss remain, as will the scars of hoping.
*reloads gun*
…and I cannot live with it. *shoots self in the heart* I love you still…*dies*
I was walking down the alley, about to make my way home just in time to get some sleep. I chanced upon this weird man in a black hood coming up to me. I was startled, so I backed away yet the man came closer. I figured I can take this old man if a fight ensued so I asked “Gramps, what’s your problem?” He answered “Nothing my son. It’s just that I have come to tell you of your misfortune.”
This guy must be a wack job. I thought I got time to kill, I might as well play along. “So grampa, what is my so-called ‘misfortune’?” He tells me “For one, I am death. Isn’t that misfortune enough?”
I hardly contained myself from laughing. I didn’t realize how serious his face was until I stopped and asked “ARE YOU HIGH GRAMPS?! It’s really late and you’re not supposed to be outside.” He replied “Oh, that is a misconception. Death comes and goes whenever it likes.”
I thought “Is this guy fucking serious?!”. I decided to leave. “Whatever gramps. I’m tired, it’s late, I got work in the morning. See ya!” He then hastily replied “You cannot walk away from death for death always waits at the end of every destination. The destination which is life.”
I’ve had it with this old coot. He started to creep me out. I came close to him and asked a rather sarcastic question “So if you’re really death, tell me this: When am I gonna die?” in which he vaguely replied “I do not know when. But there are clues for a person to know when their time is almost up.”
I was fascinated at his answer. So I dared him one more time before I finally just leave him and treat this night as one of those bizarre moments in life. “Okay, so how do WE know we’re about to die?”
With a frown, he replied in a low voice “Death talks to them.”
I am feeling dark.
Thoughts of death come to mind.
Malice, hatred, and joy are intertwined.
The light vanishes; Not a flicker remain.
=
The joys of life turn bleak.
Everything reduced to nothing.
Ashes ashes, dust to dust.
Even iron turns to rust.
=
So much black, not a hint of white.
Blind or not, there is no difference.
Despair is found, radiance is lost.
So much darkness, no sign of life.
=
Death has begun, life has ceased.
Eternal fall, deep abyss.
Wails of emptiness fill the air.
Not one escape.
=
“God has forgotten me”
So there I was, standing at the altar, about to get married.
A garden wedding was the theme. It was a wonderful Sunday morning, out in the meadows, green grass, the skies clear, trees waving, and birds singing in the air. With white flowers, white cloth, a few wooden Greek pillars, a bit of creativity and a hint of imagination, the wedding planner was able to replicate a typical Greek wedding. The chairs were a mix of black and white. The pillars were arranged at the sides with the flowers decorated in a vine-like fashion, with the white cloth tied to each pillar connecting the other. The ends of the cloth were tied across the altar and a big ribbon was made. Black cloth was also used as a background to help bring out the white.
The men wore black while the women wore white, as the bride and groom did the same. They all were all in formal: the men wore tuxedos and the women wore brilliantly adorned white dresses. The women were careful not to outshine the bride. I was wearing a tuxedo too, save for the white flower on my left chest pocket, I don’t stand out among the men. My bride wore a long pearl-white gown, adorned with rows upon rows of white roses. She was extravagant. The scene was like a chess board in the middle of a grassland with black and white at opposite sides, and the wonderful colors of nature surrounding them. The priest was our parish priest whom we, the couple, felt close too. He wore a standard cassock.
Everything was perfect. The theme, the set up, the music, the violins, the choir, God; Everything was just brilliant, not a lace too much nor a flower too less. There I was, in front of everyone, friends and family, God, and most of all, my bride. In a few minutes I’d be married and officially be a husband. Nothing could go wrong, nothing at all.
The wedding commenced and the ceremonies and sacraments were blessed to be perfect for the day. Everything went by so fast that I didn’t notice how close we were to finishing. I only noticed when it was finally time to say our wedding vows before we finally put rings on each other’s finger. I didn’t made concrete what I said that day. What came out of my mouth were words that came from the heart. As the host, her best friend in college, went up to me and raised me the microphone, I said my vow to the one I truly loved.
I’ve always wanted to say this, in front of God, friends and family, of everyone, and most specially, in front of you. I love you, with everything that I am and will be. I love you every day, every hour, every minute, and every second. I cherish you and will continue to cherish you so long as eternity defines itself; So long as time itself exists; So long as God reigns.
As I put the ring on my bride’s finger, I closed my eyes and told myself “This is it. There’s no turning back now. This is forever right here.” and just grasped reality and made myself at least try to forget regrets. And after everything was done, the rings, the songs, the kiss, the wedding, I was finally a husband to a loving wife.
I tried my best to smile when pictures were being taken. Aside from the fact that I’m not fond of smiling, my heart was just full of regrets. I am sad to say that the smiles I gave were fake, for the face I was trying to envision when I said my vow was of a different woman. The vow I made was for the host of the wedding: her best friend.
Now forever has started between me and my wife. It was too late already. Everything from hereon will be about going with the flow, no room for needless but sad regrets. Otherwise be labeled a fool and a sinner against everything I took an oath for. I feel guilty as I could only love her halfheartedly, and even less when her best friend comes over to visit.
Oh God, you know I’d turn back time if I could. I’d tell her the letter was really for her and everything would’ve been fine from then on.
I opened my eyes and saw myself falling endlessly into what seemed to be a dark, bottomless pit. It was all black, endless black, not a drop of light present. The only thing I felt was the sensation of falling: air, speed, gravity, and fear. It was funny, though, how I never panicked. It was as if I was already used to this feeling.
I could only ask myself “How did I get here?” and I ask myself that question a hundred times over and I’d still get no answer. I figured “Okay, I guess I’ll just fall ’til I hit something”. Until I hit something…
Light somehow reaches this hole and I see something beneath me getting larger, and larger. Finally, I see the concrete floor beneath me. As my body inches away from it, an explosion of white light engulfs me.
I woke up in my bedroom and realize that I had been dreaming, that same recurring dream, again. The dream of how I fell through an elevator shaft as I plummeted to my death. I went back to sleep and told myself:
“I knew I should’ve skipped the alcohol before I tried to fix the cables”
“I once fell in love with who I knew was the best. Now that I crushed him, and moved on, I find myself missing what seemed to be my whole life altogether.”
These were the words I softly uttered myself while looking at the mirror, seeing my sorry self, droopy, with teary eyes and everything else that comes in a sad package of a lonely woman. I never knew what I did to him would be the last thing I could do with a sane mind. Now, I glance at the mirror, seeing the effort I did, trying my best to replace the one true love I destroyed: Another man…someone I’m using to ease the seemingly endless pain and torment which I put myself into. So sad, really…I’m using him as if he was my morphine. And yet, for me to still feel the loss of yesterday after so many years had passed…proves the mortal wound I gave myself and I can clearly see that nothing seems to relieve the pain, let alone remove it.
Now I feel as though I killed those I kept close so dearly with what I did to the one man I truly cherished. I knew that it would hurt…but I never imagined the pain would last so long, in what seems to be forever. How I wish I can turn back that one moment in my life, even if it would cost my very existence, or what’s left of it, altogether.
Every night since that day, I felt disgusted with myself. Disgusted at how I looked, I smelled, I felt. I’m even disgusted at myself whenever I start to feel happy or easy. The guilt I carry just won’t let me stop feeling sick of what I turned myself into and what I did to him.
I struggle everyday. I’d drink myself to sleep, sleep around with people I barely know, and bitch myself up when I wake up the next morning. My friends told me to just stop thinking about it, but they have no idea how painful it is for me to have that one moment in my life be stuck in my mind and nothing else can cover it. Like it was this scar, this one big scar, that ran across my face and everyone would stare at it when they see it…and be disgusted at it.
I tried to get over him, I tried every trick in the book. Psychologists, drugs, comedy bars, beer, parties, hypnotists, you name it. If only I had a little more human in me…I would’ve tried the most humane thing right now: Suicide.
I chose this for myself, I figured I should at least do myself a favor and live with it, like everyone else does. I could not forget the sadness in his eyes that day…specially the tears that slowly slid down his face. Now its all too late.
As I gaze again, after being lost in my thoughts, I see the man I ended up being with. And as I stare at his eyes…just staring into nothing…I felt happy for him. He doesn’t have to put up with me anymore. I gave him his heaven, finally. All it took was one stab at his heart. A silent, smooth thrust and every pain he’s felt’s gone. Lucky bastard.
Now I look back at the mirror and…what’s this?! my vision…its getting blurry! As I blinked,water ran down. I was crying…Not because of what I just did, but because of how my conscience seemed to just want to scream at me the words “STOP” or “ENOUGH” in which I fell deaf to this past years.
I wonder…did I just kill the man I fell in love with? And I look at the mirror and utter to myself
“I once fell in love with who I knew was the best. Now that I crushed him, and moved on, I find myself missing what seemed to be my whole life altogether.”
-From the diary of a patient diagnosed with multiple mental disorders.
========================
Made this when I was listening to Katy Perry’s Thinking of You ROFL. I have NO IDEA why this one was written like this with such a beautiful song in the background xD
I tried to say that the patient was diagnosed with schizoprenia, bipolar disorder, and alzheimer’s disease since the symptoms fit it.
I tried to tell the story of a mentally sick woman who wrote a diary of a world she “lived” in. In short, the story you read was from her mind and none of them was real. I tried to make it as evident as possible though I think I lacked detail simply because I lack knowledge in the field of psychology or psychiatry. LOL I don’t even know the field .-.
Thanks for reading.
PS: will edit this with more SHOW and less TELL
Ano ba ang magagawa ng tatlumpung minuto sa buhay natin?
“Guys baba na tayo! EeeKay na!”
Nakarating na pala kami sa Enchanted Kingdom. Tagal ko nang di napunta dito. Huling apak ko sa lugar na ‘to 3rd year hayskul pa. Ngayon college graduate na’ko. Nakakamiss nga naman ang mga rides na talagang babaliktarin ang sikmura mo. Noon isang ride na nakakatakot lang ang sinakyan ko, yun ang Anchor’s Away. Nakakatakot ito para sakin dahilan sa may takot ako sa mga matataas na lugar at sa pakiramdam na nahuhulog. Pero ngayon, balak kong tapatan ang takot na nararamdaman ko at sasakyan ko, ng kahit isang beses man lang, ang lahat ng nakakatakot na ride dito. Susulitin ko na rin ang Ride-All-You-Can ng EK.
Dumaan ang ilang oras na walang sawang katatawanan at sigawan sa saya ng mga ginawa namin dito. Biglang naisipan ng grupo na magsama-sama na ang mga mag-on. Ewan ko ba kung bakit nila naisip yun, Di naman karamihan ang magkarelasyon sa section namin. Sinabi ko ito sa kanila, kaya ang ginawa nalang ng class president namin: Pumunta sa bagong gawang Tunnel of Love at mag random pair-up doon. Maraming babae kaysa lalaki sa section namin. Ayos lang naman sa iba kung babae sa babae dahil magkakaibigan naman sila. Eh paanu kaming mga lalaki? siguro ayos lang sa mga guy classmates ko kung mag-pair up sila sa babae dahil lagi naman silang gumigimik. Eh ako?! mapupuno ng katahimikan ang bangkang sasakyan namin ng partner ko. Kung alam ko lang, di na sana ako nagsalita pa tungkol dito.
Napilitan na lamang akong pumila. Last day na nga naman namin bilang magkakaklase, bahala na lang kung anung kagaguhan ang maganap. Sana lang matino ang makasama ko.
Lahat naman ng nauna sa ‘kin ayos lang talaga na mag-partner sila. Sabi ng mga nauna, talaga daw maganda sa loob, 30 minutes daw yung isang pasada. Di mo iisiping ganoon pala kahaba ang byahe. Dahil na rin siguro para sa mga gustong magkaroon ng sariling oras, lalo na sa mga taong may kasintahan. Talagang magiging sweet ang moments ng magkarelasyon sa loob.
Paanu naman yung hindi?! Paanu na’ko?!
Dumaan ang ilang sandali, at ako na pala ang susunod. Ilang beses nang dumaan sa isip ko na mag-backout sa kalokohang ako ang dahilan kung bakit nangyayari. May harang pala sa bawat pares kaya talagang di mo malalaman kung sino ang kasama mo hangga’t di ka nakapila sa mismong pasukan. Nabigla na lamang ako sa naging partner ko.
“Karen…!” Napatingin ako sa babaeng sasamahan ko.
“Alex?!” Ganun din sya sa akin.
“Ikaw partner ko?” Tanong ko sa kanya
“Ha? Ewan…!” Sagot nya.
“Uuuuuuuy! yikeeeee hahahah!” sabay tukso ng mga kaklase ko.
Pareho naming ayaw tumuloy. Dahil na rin siguro sa di kami naguusap kung di naman kailangang magusap. Di rin kami nagpapansinan. Tatlong taon akong asar na asar sa kanya. Marahil nagtataka kayo: “Paanu yung isang taon?” Isang taon lang naiba ang pananaw ko sa kanya. Isang araw ko ring ginawang tanga ang sarili ko dahil sa ginawa ko para sa kanya.
“BILISAN NYO NGA! AMBAGAL!” Sambit ng isang kong kaklase.
“Sige sige sige!” Sigaw ko sa kanila.
“Tara, para matapos na.” Sabi ko kay Karen.
Sumakay nalang kaming dalawa sa isang pulang bangka. “30 minutes lang naman eh, kaya natin ‘to” paalala ko kay Karen. Ngunit, ang 30 minutes na iyon ang sigurong pinakamatagal kong 30 minutes sa buong buhay ko. Di ko inaasahan ang pangyayaring magaganap sa loob ng 30 minutes
“Haaaay…bakit ganito?!” Napa isip ako. Ang tahimik. Walang kumikibo sa amin. Narito ako, nagkukunwaring may ka-text para lang sabihin na may ginagawa ako. Sya naman, naka iPod. Nakaka-asar na nakakabagot na di mo maintindihan ang pakiramdam ko noon.
Marahil para sa inyo normal na bagay lamang ang ma-inlove. Araw araw nyo namang nasasabi na “Uy! Crush ko yun!” sa kahit sinong tao na sa tingin nyo ay bagay sa inyo. Ngunit naiiba ako. Hindi ko priority ang magmahal ngayong kolehiyo. Hangga’t maari nga, maging pusong bato ako hangga’t sa grumaduate ako. Pero iba ang nangyari sa akin kung kailan paalis na kami. Tyaka ko lang nalaman na iba na ang turing ko kay Karen. Dati kapag nakikita ko sya, napapagtabi ko ang kilay ko sa kaasaran ko sa kanya. Ngunit nitong nakaraang taon? tuwing nakikita ko sya, ganun pa rin. Napapagtabi ko ang kilay ko sa kaasaran. At titingin uli ako, at pagtatabihin na naman ang kilay ko. At uulitin ko ito hangga’t sa mawala sya sa paningin ko. Maya’t maya ay napansin ko na lamang na iniisip ko na sya bago ako matulog. Na tuwing nagsusulat ako, sya ang laman ng isipan ko. Di ko talaga inasahan na sa lahat ng magagandang babae sa kolehiyo eh sya pa ang napili ng puso ko.
“Eto na ang pagkakataon ko!” Sinabi ko sa sarili ko habang sakay kaming dalawa sa bangka sa loob ng Tunnel of Love. Naisip ko na magtapat na ako sa kanya, na sabihin ko na ang nararamdaman ko bago pa man mahuli ang lahat.
“Bahala na! mangyari na ang mangyari!” sabay lunok ko ng takot.
“Karen…may sasabihin ako.”
Sabay hugot ng earphones “Ano?”
“May sasabihin ako. Habang tayong dalawa lang ang nakakarinig. Matagal ko na rin ‘tong gustong sabihin.”
Tahimik na nakinig si Karen sa bawat salitang binitiwan ko. Bakas sa mukha nya ang pagtataka kung anu nga ba ang itinago ko sa loob ng apat na taon namin bilang magkaklase.
“Karen mahal kita…” Sinabi ko ito ng buong tapang ng loob ko.
Sandaling nanahimik si Karen. Habang nakatingin sa kawalan at marahil di malaman ang sasabihin tungkol sa bigla kong pag amin ng aking damdamin.
“Karen” Sabay harap ni Karen sa akin “…pasensya na kung binigla kita. Kaya nga dito ko sinabi, para tayong dalawa lang ang magkarinigan.”
Nagtatataka na sya at siguro wala na ring maisip na itanong “…b-bakit ako? bakit di nalang si–”
“Kasi ikaw ang gusto ko.” Sabay harap sa mga mata nya. “Karen, minsan lang ako makaramdam ng ganito. Kaya alam kong ikaw ang gusto ko…”
“P-pero…di ko kasi balak–”
Inistorbo uli ang sasabihin nya “Wag ka magaalala…di pa naman ako nanligaw sa buong buhay ko. Kaya strike 3 na’ko sa yo.”
“…strike 3?”
“Oo, tatlong beses palang akong nagmahal ng babae. At tatlong beses ko na rin inisip na hanggang titig na lang ako. At oo, ikaw ang pangatlo.”
“Hanggang titig? panu mo naman nasabi yun?”
“Kasi, lahat ng babaeng minahal ko, talagang iba ang kaledad. Parang, ang taas nila na di ko sila kayang abutin kaya hanggang titig na lang ako.”
“Ganun lang? di mo man lang sinubukang manligaw?”
“Karen…di siguro halata kasi di nyo pa ako nakikitang matakot pero…”
“Pero…?” pagtataka ni Karen
“Takot akong masaktan.” Biglang yuko ko sabay hawak ng mahigpit ng aking mga kamay. “Takot akong masaktan Karen. Kaya di ko kayang magka-girlfriend.”
“Takot kang masaktan eh di mo pa nga nasusubukan! anu ka ba? giving up without even trying is an act of cowardice, sana sinubukan mo man lang para alam mo ang pakiramdam…”
Sabay bigla kong sinagot “…Ng masaktan? wag na. Mas gusto ko pang maging pusong bato kaysa pusong laging nagdurusa.”
“Nagdurusa?! di mo pa nga alam ang feeling gaganyan-ganyan ka na?! eh anu kung masaktan ka? at least you tried diba?!”
“Di kasi ganung kadali yun sa inaakala mo. Siguro sa mga pelikula napapanood mo laging iba ang trip ng lalaki pag nanliligaw. Pwes, ibahin mo ‘ko. Dahil kung susubukan ko man, at sakaling makuha ko ang matamis na OO, di ko na alam ang gagawin ko pa pagkatapos. Kumbaga, hanggang ligaw lang ako kung susubukan ko. Kaya siguro naisip kong di na rin ako magaasawa pag tanda.”
“Bakit naman?” Tanong ni Karen.
“Di ko alam…di ko alam kung paanu maging mabuting boyfriend. Ang korni ng reason pero…natatakot akong masaktan dahil sa kakulangan ko sa pagiging isang boyfriend. Ayoko naman ng ganun, na di ko man lang napasaya yung girlfriend ko na ang taas taas ng expectation sa’kin tapos wala pala akong kwenta!” napasigaw ako ng kaunti.
“Di ka marunong? eh panu ka matututo kung di mo nga susubukan?” tumigil sya sandali at “Alex…kung talagang mahal mo ang isang tao…dapat, kahit di mo alam ang mangyayari, handa mong gawin ang lahat ng kaya mo para sa taong ‘yon. Syempre lahat nagsisimula sa first time. Kaya nga first eh. Talagang masakit madapa sa umpisa, pero sa katagalan…natututo ka nang umiwas sa pagkadapa. At kung sakaling madapa ka uli, mas mabilis na ang pagtayo dahil alam mo na ang pakiramdam.”
“Tama ka…pero…tulad nga ng sabi mo, kelangan ko pang madapa bago ako masanay madapa.” Huminga ako ng malalim “Tapos strike 3 pa’ko sayo…”
“Ayan na naman ang strike 3 na yan…Sabihin mo nga sa ‘kin: Mahal mo ba talaga ako?”
Nagtaka ako sa bigla nyang pagtanong nun. Buong tapang nyang tinanong yun sa mukha ko.
“OO,Mahal kita Karen…”
“Eh ba’t ayaw mo man lang subukang ligawan ako?” Tanong nya.
“Di ba nga sinabi mo na rin na ayaw mo magka BF?” Sagot ko.
“Malay mo magbago isip ko! Anu ka ba? ang duwag mo naman!” Sagot nya sa sagot ko.
“Tyaka…”
“Tyaka ano?”
“Di ako marunong…maging boyfriend…tulad ng sinabi ko kanina. Kaya nga single for life nalang ako sigurado. Wala na talagang babaeng magmamahal sa kin.”
Sandaling katahimikan ang nagbalot sa aming dalawa. Sabay…
“Alex…takot kang manligaw kasi di mo alam kung paano maging boyfriend diba?”
“…oo.” Payuko kong sinagot ang tanong.
Nagulat nalang ako sa sumunod na nangyari. Hinawakan nya ang kanan kong kamay…
“…tutulungan nalang kita.”
Wala akong masabi ng mga oras na yun. Di ko alam kung ang nasa isip ko ang ibig sabihin ng sinabi nya. Sinundan pa nya ng…
“…basta tulungan mo din ako. First time kong maging girlfriend eh…” sabay ngiti nya.
Tapos biglaan ang mga sumunod na pangyayari. Bigla syang napapapikit sa harapan ko. At para bang unti unting lumiliit ang pagitan ng aming mga labi. Isang matamis na halik. Simple, madali, pero puno ng pagmamahal at kaligayahan para sa isa’t isa.
============================
Shortened this since the first entry was too long and had too much information which were unnecessary by nature.
May kwento akong pangit. Sa bandang huli malalaman nyo kung bakit pangit ang kwentong ito. Tungkol ito sa dalawang taong di malaman kung saan lulugar sa buhay.
Magsimula tayo sa lalaking nagngangalang Felix. Si Felix ay isang lalaking mahilig makipag flirt sa mga babae. Dahil sa angking kagwapuhan nito, tuwang tuwa naman ang mga babaeng nagmimistulang nagpapamanyak sa kanya. Maari’y di halata sa mukha nyang harmless ang pagiging manyak nya. Sya siguro ang masasabi mong magandang halimbawa ng isang guwapong lalaki. Katamtaman ang kulay, matangkad, maganda ang pangangatawan, at marunong tumugtog ng mga instrumentong pang rock band. Pero isa syang opurtunista pagdating sa mga babae dahil mahilig syang sumimple sa mga ito, lalo na sa mga inosente. Karaniwan syang magsisimulang nanlalambing, magsasabi ng isang bagay na ikagugusto o ikakikilig ng isang babae, tapos gagamitin na nya ang mga magalaw nyang kamay sa pag manyak. Ang mga inosenteng hawak sa braso, sa balikat, sa likod, sa leeg, pag patong ng ulo sa balikat, pagyakap, at kung anu-anu pang style ng pangmamanyak ay nagmumukhang ordinaryo kapag sya ang gumagawa. Ordinaryo sa puntong nageenjoy pa ang sangkababaihan sa ginagawa nya. Anu bang magagawa nila? gwapo eh. May charisma pa. Ang kaso lang naman eh manyak sya, at kahit anung pogi ang meron ka, kung manyak ka, manyak ka talaga.
Si babae naman. Ang pangalan ng babaeng ito ay Chinnie. Sya ang tipong babae na mukhang inosente at syang inaasam-asam maging girlfriend ng bawat lalaki sa mundo. Maputi, mahabang buhok, maganda ang mga mata, lahat ng hinahanap ng bawat pinoy sa isang typical girl-next-door. Dahil maganda sya, at alam nyang maganda sya, meron syang pinagsamang malandi, maarte, at mapangutyang ugali. Malandi dahil ang hilig nyang ibenta ang kagandahan nya sa mga lalaking sabik mahawakan sya, maarte dahil di mo sya mabibili ng gamit na di vintage, at mapangutya dahil marahas nyang bina-backstab ang isang taong wala sa kalingkingan ng kagandahan nya. Isa syang plastic. Takot lang syang mawalan ng “kaibigan” kaya di nya pinapakita ang totoo nyang sarili. Sya nga pala, ang tingin nya sa mga taong “matataba” ay basura ng bayan na sanhi ng pagkagutom ng iba pang mga tao sa mundo. Napaka ipokrita nya dahil dati rin syang mataba.
Eto ang nakakatawang parte ng kwentong ito: Meron silang tinatawag na “chemistry” o mutual understanding. At dahil dito, minsan na rin silang nagligawan. Di ko alam ang buong kwento pero pareho siguro silang nagkailangan. Etong si Felix eh masyadong nagmadali, at eto namang si Chinnie eh masyadong nagpakipot. Noon, lagi mo silang makikitang magkasama, nakaupo sa loob ng kotse ni Felix na BMW at naguusap tuwing gabi o kaya’y uwian, o kaya’y magkatabing nakaupo sa isang sulok ng classroom, nag da-drama. Minsan yung dramahan na yun may kaartehan pang makikita lang sa mga pelikulang pinoy na ilang beses nang ni-recycle ang plot kapag ang tambalan eh mala John Lloyd Cruz at Bea Alonzo.
Sa kasamaang palad, nauwi sa wala ang lahat ng pinaghirapan ng dalawang ito. Di siguro sila nagkaintindihan o marahil di nila kayang magpanggap ng di sila. Siguro nagpanggap na malungkutin at di manyak si Felix samantalang nagpanggap na humble at di vain itong si Chinnie. Di siguro nila matitiis ang ganung klaseng buhay.
Ang nangyari sa kanila? pareho silang may karelasyon ngayon. May nabola si Felix na babae na kahit papaanu ay may kaparehang qualities ni Chinnie. Mababaw siguro yung babae at nadala sa isang gwapong manyak na tulad ni Felix.
Si Chinnie naman, napilitang sagutin ang isang lower level jack ass dahil sa mga binibili nitong mamahaling pabango at gamit para sa kanya. Pera nga naman, maraming nagagawa.
Ang nakakalungkot dito, pareho din nilang niloloko ang bago nilang karelasyon. Etong si Felix, inaabuso ang pagkakataong makamanyak habang wala ang girlfriend nito dahil nagaaral yung babae sa Japan at magbibilang ng buwan bago ito uli makabalik sa Pilipinas. Syempre, bilang manyak, kelangan nya ng may mahihipuan na babae. Normal lang naman daw yun sabi ng iba pang manlolokong manyak na tulad nya.
Etong si Chinnie naman malakas din manglalaki. Hinggil sa kaalaman ng iba, patagong lumalandi ang pokpok na’to. Kung kani-kaninong lalaki sya nakakabit kapag wala ang boyfriend nyang mayaman para magbigay ng Gucci sa kanya. Karaniwan mo syang makikitang nakayakap sa isang di kilalang lalaki. Oo, kaya nga pokpok eh.
Pero ang talagang kapansin-pansin sa kanilang dalawa ni Felix at Chinnie ay ang pagmamahalan nila sa isa’t isa. Di ko rin maintindihan. Pero lagi ko silang nakikitang magkasama at naglalandian. Ang simula nito eh may magpapansin na isa tapos re-reply naman yung kabila. Tapos maya maya lang eh nagyayakapan na sila. Ganun kabilis ang mga pangyayari araw araw. Oo, araw araw.
Sa tingin ko eto ang nangyari sa dalawang taksil na’to: Pareho nilang naisip na kung di sila nagpakatanga noon, baka sila na ngayon at ang rason kung bakit may karelasyon na sila eh para matakpan lang yung butas na nilikha nila para sa sarili nila. Ginagawa lang nilang proxy yung ka-on nila ngayon. Kaawa-awa nga naman ang mga nasangkot sa kaguluhang ginawa nila.
Kaya kung makikita mo, bagay na bagay talaga sila sa isa’t isa. Pareho silang mayaman, malandi, may itsura, at tanga.
Sana lang ay may ganitong kwento talaga. Hindi sana ito kathang isip. At kung magkaroon man ng ganitong kwento, sana hindi ito maging tulad nito na PANGIT.
Presence
How I wish I was looking into your eyes…
Though I stand in a water of ice.
I would give anything to pay the price,
Just to be in your eyes.
I
I’ll be the drought that dries your tears
I’ll be the light that scares your fears
I’ll be the voice that soothes your ears
I’ll be with you ’til the end of your years
====================
Made them today while I was bored in class. First one was inspired by Katy Perry’s Thinking of You.
Second one was just random thinking due to boredom itself haha
This is the first draft I’ll be posting. I’m planning to make this as long as I could. I am also christening this as my best work yet…although its not complete as of this moment.
========================================
CHAPTER 1 Fate’s Meeting
When two birds are hit by one stone, they fall together. And as they see each other on the bottom hurt and cannot move, they try to stand on their own and heal their own wounds in vain. ’tis then that they realize they need someone, the need becomes a longing, an undending thirst only to be quenched by a similar act of heart.
Then they see each other and attempt to get close. As they do, they comfort each other and together they stand up, and survive the terrible ordeal they both went through.
ALEX
August 29 2009
Saturday. 11:30 AM. Classes just ended and I was off to TriNoMa to watch the movie “The Time Traveler’s Wife”. I’ve finished reading it, so I decided to see how the movie levels with the book.
I changed from my white polo jacket to a black T-shirt which looked plain save for the check mark at the upper left. I also kept my jacket inside my bag which I wore early this morning. It was sorta raining/drizzling.
After changing, I went out fast.
12:00, from UST, I took a jeep from Espana to TriNoMa. Took me about 20-30 minutes to get there.
12:30 PM, I refreshed myself at the nearest restroom I could go into inside TriNoMa. I washed my face with facial wash and did a little fixing here and there.
12:50 PM, I immediately went to the cinema floor and saw the schedules of the movies. It just so happened that TTTW started showing at around 10:30 AM, and the next one was at 1:10 PM. I arrived just in the nick of time.
So I was in line. Everything was fine and ordinary ’til I saw…
Me: “Karen?!”
Karen: “Alex?!”
Karen was the focal point of my interest in the class. She was wearing her uniform, white, long skirt, buttoned white top. She was petite, white, fair skinned, kinda long black hair, [i]chinita[/i]. How could I not fall for her?
Me: “Oh my God. What are you doing here?” She gestured at the line. “Oh, right. What you gonna watch?”
Karen: “Time Traveler.”
My jaw dropped
Me:”huh?! really?!”
Karen: “Yeah! Why?”
Me: “Nothing. I’m just gonna watch it too.”
Karen: “HUH?!” She looked flustered.
Now you have to wonder why we didn’t do the usual “wow! lets watch it together” dialogue you see when familiar people see each other during their movie time. Well, in a nutshell, she hates me, or she suggests she hates me, based from her body language and her 5 second attention span towards me. Hell, she sees me, she turns her head away almost a full 180! I don’t know the reason, heck; I don’t even WANT to know. It had to be something awful, but I just can’t quite put my foot on it. Oh yeah, she’s been like this to me for 3 years now. Talk about planting the seeds of hatred.
Me: “Yep.” There were a few seconds of awkwardness and silence, and I break it at the 10th. “You with anyone?”
She slightly frowned, looked down, shook her head and said.
Karen: “Nope. I’m single for the day!” She did this smile that she obviously forced.
I took this answer two ways. The first, being that she’s alone, obviously. Who in their right mind would watch a love movie alone? oh right…lonely people do. Like me.
Second, she had this boyfriend, I’ve seen them throw glances at each other like knives, so I figured they had a fight or something. Two meanings, one word. Strong.
Me: “Wow. And your clique?”
She often hanged out with them. I can’t believe they weren’t insight at TriNoMa. She and her clique had this affection towards this mall that I couldn’t grasp myself. She must’ve been REALLY down to not tell her friends she’s going to the mall, alone. And watch a movie, alone.
Karen: “They were pretty busy when I called them…”
I can spot liars easily, that’s because I used to be a VERY good liar myself. Her gestures, posture, body language, even the intonation of her voice told me she was lying.
Karen: “…And I was aching to watch the movie this week. I figured I’d have no time to watch it next week, nor do I know if its still showing ’til then.”
She answered a mouthful, but I thought otherwise. She could’ve just said “I want to be alone right now.” and maybe add “That’s why. SO fuck off.”
I figured I’d at least TRY to comfort the poor thing
Me: “You…uh…wanna watch the film together?” I gestured at the ticketing booth. I do my defensive stance, I stretch my elbows with my arms and hands at my back “I’m a fan of the author… I’m alone too.”
Karen:”Hmmmm…”
She thought about it for about 3 seconds, and maybe in those 3 seconds, she regretted finding me there, of all the times. Maybe in those 3 seconds, she asked herself if I was just trying to have a little “date” with her. Maybe in the 3 seconds she was silent, she was thinking of just saying some obvious lie to escape the terrible fate she would endure if she ever sat with me inside a theatre. She might even be thinking “what if people saw us together?!”.
Karen: “hmmmm…okay.”
OH MY GOD.
The first word I wanted to say was “WOW!” but meh…
Me: “Ok then.”
Then I noticed that the next in line was me plus her beside me. We looked like a couple actually. Awesome right?
Me: “Two tickets please. Premiere.”
I looked at Karen, her eyes inspected the perimeters. She scanned them, making sure no one she knows and knows her sees her with me. Then I asked…
Me: “Where’d you wanna sit? Want the top and very middle? We get a pretty nice view there. The experience is like watching TV.”
Karen: “Uh…sure. Anywhere’s fine.” She barely made eye contact with me. Bummer.
Me: “Okay! Number 10 and 11 please.” The ticket woman handed the two tickets. I gave Karen her ticket, to at least let her know that I’m not forcing her to be with me, trying to date her. Then I looked at the time “1:00 PM, 10 minutes before its starts.”
Karen: “Oh okay.”
WTF was that all about? “oh okay”?! I guess she’s not just depressed, but bored too.
Me: “Shall we go?”
Karen: “Sure. Let’s go.”
And we walked together to Cinema 3. We entered just as the movie ended. The lights were already on so visibility wasn’t a problem. We went to our seats, sat down. And I forgot something.
Me: “You want popcorn? Drinks? Anything?” Anything I could at least AFFORD, she’s got expensive taste, I assumed.
Karen: “No thanks, I’m fine. I just ate lunch.”
I sighed with relief. I made a quick glance of the contents of my wallet and I was reminded of how financially tight my budget was for that day. I forgot I had like P 300.00 left and movie food is almost hotel food in terms of pricing.
Me: “Okay, same here.”
Both of us were just sitting there, no popcorn, no drinks, not a word in for the next 3 minutes. Then I broke my silence
Me: “Have you read the book?”
I was so desperate to have a conversation and NOT bore her to death.
Karen: “Nope” She shook her head slowly, she looked at me. “You?”
Me: “Yeah. I finished it just last night. It’s all fresh still for me.”
Karen: “Oh. Okay.” She scanned the perimeter again. Yup, she’s bored.
Minutes before the film started, two lesbian couples sit at our sides. How’d I knew they were lesbians? Trust me, though they look hot and sexy, you can tell.
And just like that the trailers were rolling.
I watched her closely; I couldn’t help but savor the moment. I was inside a theatre, with the girl I have strong feelings for, and we’re about to watch a love story.
And the light’s were out, the movie starts.
Every now and then I glance at my seatmate, and all I see are lonely eyes…trying to make sense of it all: the guy time traveling, and her life. She watched anxiously, amazed at the parts where Eric Bana turns to mist and reappears naked somewhere else. I saw her eyes flicker at the sight of Bana’s nudity. And I thought to myself “See? men and women aren’t so different after all.”
And then I noticed her right hand reaching for her left shoulder, rubbed her arms up and down repeatedly, in a slow fashion. She was feeling cold. I then made noises in my bag, as I searched for my jacket. It wasn’t supposed to take me long, it was just that the theatre was dark, as it was supposed to be, so I had a hard time looking for my sweater. And when I found it, I quickly covered Karen’s shoulders with it.
Karen: “No Alex, its fine.”
She put both her hands in front of her and gestured a “no, its okay” wave.
Me: “I insist. I already have it out, it’ll be a pain to get it back in. Might as well use it.”
She still refused. Then I somehow managed to reason with her and we come to terms that…
Karen: “We should share it. I’ll be guilty if you catch a cold.”
She looked at me, with concerned eyes and talked to me with a concerned voice.
Karen: “Here”.
She gave me one half of the jacket, and we found out that the jacket barely fit two people. She stopped.
Me: “Okay, let’s get close?” I had to ask permission. Else I be beaten to a pile by her friends, if not by her.
She pondered, and then she nodded slowly and said,
Karen: “Okay…”
She and I both got closer to each other, and soon we were both encased inside my jacket. We both felt warm. Shoulder to shoulder, as we both watched the movie. I chance a glimpse of her face, such beautiful face, so close to mine. I only dreamed the day this would happen; now I wish not to wake up from reality.
I stared at her face. She turned her head to her left a little, she noticed my eyes.
Karen: “Alex?”
Me: “…?!” I thought to myself “Holy! Damn damn damn! Bad move!”
Karen: “Alex…what is it?”
Her breath touched my face. She shook her head a little while she looked at me in confusion
Me: “…Nothing. I-its nothing. R-really.”
My mind was a BLANK. The only thoughts I could think of were curses to myself for being so stupid.
She got weirded out, her eyebrows looked confused as well. She frowned and proceeded to continue watching the movie.
Me: I had to pull myself together “Karen…look…I’m sorry.”
I was shaking and sweat drops formed, despite the cold temperature of the theater. “Oh God, why of all times? Why do I make this errors in my life in times when I really don’t need them at all?” I thought.
She remained frowned and confused.
Karen: “Nah…its cool. Why were you staring at me like that?” Again with her eyebrows.
Me: “I just…” I had to tell the truth “…thought how lonely you looked. So serious, so quiet, so…not you.” She was usually very jumpy and often seen smiling. I turned my head from her, took a deep breath, and exhaled slowly then faced her again “Why?”
She was silent.
I got the feeling she probably won’t answer me, not like this anyway. It was too inconvenient for both of us. I mean, we were trying to watch a movie and here I was meddling in things I should be ignoring. So I decided to just end it.
Me: “Hey uh…sorry. Its okay, you don’t have to tell me anything.”
She looked at me and she did a quick smile while she sighed softly. Then she whispered:
Karen: “Thanks…”
And her eyes, though still lonely, lightened up just a bit and she gave me a big smile. Genuine at that. We then continued watching the movie.
Then I remembered how close I was to her. Shoulder to shoulder, enclosed in my jacket to warm us both. I couldn’t help but notice her scent, how I’d sniff it up like cocaine, not that I took the substance. I sound like a pervert here, but what I tell here is the truth. I delight my senses, knowing that these things would probably only happen once.
None of us spoke a word for pretty much the rest of the movie. Save for the occasional “What happened there?”, “What did he say again?”, “oh”s, and “ah”s, we were really muted. All while I tried to steal a glimpse of Karen’s face, so focused yet blurry with all the things that are currently bothering her. She looked very concentrated at the movie at first glance, but her glistening eyes told me otherwise. Life seemed so unfair when I looked at her. I was forming question marks as to what happened to make her have all this sense of hardship, to think of watching a date movie alone, to have her voice, her face, herself at a lost. Then again, I remembered it wasn’t my place to mettle with her life. So I just sat there, confused as though I have her problems bore on my shoulders.
I broke my silence yet again when the part where Rachel McAdams’ character, Clare Abshire, was feeling the hardships of being married to a time traveler. Always knowing that your husband would suddenly disappear at any given moment, not knowing where or when he goes, and his return, questionable. Whether alive or dead, she waits. So I said:
Me: “Wow, must be really hard to wait for someone like that huh?”
Karen was silent, she was either really into the whole movie thing or she was just staring blankly. So I called her attention, just so I won’t have the feeling of getting humiliated because I talked to a wall.
Me: “Hey Karen…you okay?”
Karen: “…!”
She snapped out of her trance and quickly turned her face towards mine, with her eyes big in surprise.
Karen: “Oh! Sorry! I was just lost there.” Lost in thought…whatever she had, it was pretty deep.
I thought to myself: “Lost?! is she relating to the movie? OMG her boyfriend’s a time traveler. Figures.”
Karen: “Yeah, uh…what were you saying? I didn’t quite catch that. I’m sorry, I’m just so depressed today and…” She quickly covered her mouth with her right palm, almost slapping herself in the process.
Me: “And?”
Karen: “N-n-no i-i-its nothing.” She turned her head away from me. “Really…its nothing.” She frowned while her eyes see the ground, biting her upper lip.
“Okay, so I guess this movie’s breaking her doors down” I thought. This was turning into one of those make or break moments. Here I was, sitting very close to her, as if we were a couple, watching a date movie. She was sad, alone, and something was bothering her. I either let this one go, mind my own business and everything would be back to normal, OR I go for it and just try to cushion her fall.
Normally, I’d play it safe since she might get the notion that I was trying to take advantage of her sorry state, which I wasn’t although it looked like I was. So I thought to myself “Meh, she hates me anyway, couldn’t probably get any worse than that.” So I took my chance and tell her:
Me: “You know, being hard on yourself won’t solve anything.” I said this without turning away from the screen. “Some things in life aren’t worth punishing yourself for, no matter how much it seemed that it was your fault to begin with.”
I glanced at her and saw her staring blankly ahead toward the screen. I guess she was hearing something she has been telling herself. Only that she wanted to hear it from somebody else.
She inhaled deeply and looked at me with her clouded eyes. I noticed how much she lighted up to what I was saying. Her face suggested that I should keep going, and she waited for the words my intruding mouth would say anxiously. It only took me a moment to realize all this, and now I better make a good statement. I was pressured. It was like speaking in front of a well respected audience. “I better pick my words carefully” I thought, or she might end up slapping me in the face, inside a theatre. Everyone would think I was some kind of pervert if that would’ve happened. Crap.
I continued, my eyes looking at hers directly with a show of heartfelt concern.
Me: “If it seems that way, then it’s better if you talk about it. Lots of people die because they’re afraid of telling anyone what made them miserable. We’re not inanimate to prohibit ourselves from expression. We’re human, and we have the right to feel sorry for ourselves. And because we’re human, it is our right to share the pain, the loneliness, our wanting, and our needing. It’s never wrong to be human, because it’s human to be wrong.”
She blinked slowly a couple of times, and I appreciated this. This meant I was getting through to her. I paused as I noticed her lips trembling. They were trying to say something. She opened and closed them, shaking. She wanted to say something but she refused to open up to me. “Does she really hate me that much? I guess I better stop” I thought.
I turn towards the screen, inhale and exhale deeply. I turn to her and say.
Me: “I’m sorry. I wasn’t…supposed to be saying that.” She stares at me, her eyes saddened “I went too deep…sorry.” I close my eyes and face the screen again.
A moment of silence. Silence can be so deafening.
Karen: “…it hurts.”
My eyes open up and quickly turn to her. I listen attentively, her face lit up by the light that the screen emits. I notice water dripping from her right eye. She’s crying. She may have been keeping this to herself for a while now. She begins to break now. Oh no…I made her cry. Now everyone would notice and think I’m being a jerk. To hell with that, who cares about what everyone else thinks.
She sobs for a while and whispers while she tries to soften the sobs,
Karen: “…it really hurts.”
I have no idea what’s hurting her. I don’t want to ask her, in fear that she’ll just break more. So I decided to do what any guy would do to comfort the girl he cares about. I slowly reach my right arm to her, hold her right shoulder and rub them to show comfort. She still wouldn’t stop so I did what I thought was the right thing to do at the moment: I hug her.
She seemed reluctant, her hands clasped together while they cover her face. She’s really letting it all out.
We’re like this for a while, and then she releases her hands and hugs me back. The way she hugged me was really full of emotion, as if she’s never hugged anyone in the longest time. At this point, I really felt her desperation, her desperation for someone, someone to understand her, to be there for her, without asking them. She lays her chin on my right shoulder and I feel the cold water run down her cheeks, her rosy white cheeks. She then blurts it all out.
Karen: “This was supposed to be our make-up date…H-he told me he was s-sick and…and…he couldn’t go out with me t-today then…then…”
She broke down again, at this rate; we may have to leave the theatre soon, too much ruckus. I try to calm her down, so as to not attract the usher or else have us escorted out. It would totally destroy the mood. She might even feel bad about it if that were to happen. I wouldn’t want that added to her list of things to be guilty about.
Karen: “I saw him with someone else! and…and…”
She really broke down; at this point I just had to let her know that she’s not alone…but how?! I figured I should start with something easy and maybe…cliche.
I rub her back, as gently yet as firm as I could. Then I whisper…
Me: “It’s alright, let it out, you don’t have to hold it in. It wasn’t your fault, none of it was.”
She sobs still, so I added…
Me: “You don’t have to punish yourself this way. You’re a wonderful girl. I’m sure it was just a bit of misunderstanding. It’ll be fine.” What I really wanted to say was “That guy’s a douche. To hell with jackasses like him.” or anything similar to that, but I really gotta know my limits here. If I attempt to go further in than I’m supposed to, I’d be stepping on a landmine.
She hugs me tighter; it was very quick and very surprising on my part. She trembles while she slowly whispers to my right ear…
Karen: “Oh Alex…t-thank God…thank God you’re here…”She sniffs long and deep in anguish and gratitude, “I d-don’t know h-how I would’ve been able t-to handle all of this by…by myself! I-I’m so happy I met you here, now. I really am!”
She proceeds to cry some more. This may look like I’m exaggerating it, but this is really how it happened. She really loved the dickhead so much. I promised myself to get back at him for her.
Moments pass, her sobbing eases as she now rest her head on the right side of my chest, my head tilted to rest on top of hers, and my right arm across her shoulders. She’s looking for a proxy boyfriend now, and I don’t mind being used. I’d let her use me like this everyday if I could, simply because I love her.
Karen: “Alex, thanks again…”
Me: “…Yeah.” It was all I could say.
We stayed like this and before you knew it, Henry died and Clare is in despair. Karen started tearing up again, but the tears she shed now are now for the movie, and she’s probably thinking that she and Clare share the same sentiments: To have lost someone so dear. In her case, that someone got lost on his own. I could only offer my handkerchief to represent my sincerity. I look at her and whispered…
Me: “Karen, life will always be unfair.” She closes her eyes for a moment, and opens them as if she awakened to a sense of reality amidst the confusion, and the loneliness she suffers in. “…but someone will always be here; I…will always be here, sharing the unfairness with you. And we can cry together all we want, and no one can stop us.”
Having said that, I proceed with the movie. God knows why I said that.
I notice how she slowly turned towards me, her face pale with the seeking of love. I removed my right arm from the comforts of her shoulders. I didn’t want her to think that I’m getting too close and too personal. I just didn’t want to send her the wrong message, whatever that may be. I gently placed it where it’s supposed to be, at the arm rest
Karen: “Alex…”
She mutters softly, she then reaches for my right hand. I couldn’t help but ask myself “She misses my arm already?” I turn to her with surprise at her gesture. She holds my hand in such a heartfelt manner, very warm and very firm. I can only imagine her longing now. And to think she actually hates me for a reason I may never find out.
Me: “Karen…I…”
I wasn’t gonna say I love you. I was going to say “I think this is wrong”…but I never found the words at the time, for everything went so fast. We were at the scene where Henry materializes in Meadowlark and future Clare runs to him and they both kiss each other, as we did simultaneously.
It happened so fast. I didn’t notice how we stared at each other’s eyes, the window to our very own soul. As with our soul, we saw what we both wanted. I wanted her love, she wanted my affection. I needed her in my life; she needed me to be there.
Our faces inched ever so slowly towards each other. She closed her eyes, I closed mine. And just like that, our lips, both trembling, caressed each other. We felt each others longing, our needs, when we kissed. I felt how she really wanted someone, anyone, to just take her somewhere where this wasn’t happening, where she never saw her lover with somebody else, to a parallel world where everything was fine. I only wish she felt my need of her, her self, and her everything. In that kiss, I wanted her to know that I feel for her, that I care for her, and that I want to share the pain she’s in and try to make it go away. I love her, and that is all there is to it.
We kissed long, and deep. We felt each other’s breaths as we tried to pause every few seconds to have a little air. I didn’t know how to kiss, but I saw enough movies to at least learn the basics. I didn’t know what I was doing though; it was as if my body, my lips, acted on its own accord. And we did all this while we held each other’s faces, until the movie ended.
We stopped when we felt that we had our fill of love, funny how I stopped first and she ended up biting my lower lip. I didn’t mind, she didn’t notice anyway. We stared at each other long and silently. We knew we were both confused, we had that look on our faces that asked “What happens now? What happens to us?”
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Will continue o-o
TO BE CONTINUED! MY GOD!!! I GET SO UNPRODUCTIVE AT TIMES!
I changed from my white polo jacket to a black T-shirt with some badass art drawn at the front as the design. I also kept my jacket which I wore early this morning. It was sorta raining/drizzling. After changing, I went out fast.
12:00, from UST, I took a jeep from Espana to TriNoMa. Took me about 20-30 minutes to get there.
12:30 PM, I refreshed myself at the nearest restroom I could go into inside TriNoMa. I washed my face with facial wash and did a little fixing here and there.
12:50 PM, I immediately went to the cinema floor and saw the schedules of the movies. It just so happens that TTTW started showing at around 10:30 AM, and the next one was at 1:10 PM. I arrived just in the nick of time. So I was in line. Everything was fine and ordinary ’til…
Me: ._.
Me: o_o
Me: o_O
Me: O_O!!!
Me: Karen?!
Karen: Alex?!
Karen’s the focal point of my interest in the class. She’s wearing her uniform, white, long skirt, buttoned white top. She’s Petite, white, fair skinned, kinda long black hair, [i]chinita[/i]. How could I not fall for her?
Me: Oh my God. What are you doing here? (she gestures at the line) oh, right. What you gonna watch?
Karen: Time Traveler.
Me: (jaw drops) huh?! really?!
Karen: yeah! why?
Me: Nothing. I’m just gonna watch it too.
Karen: HUH?! *flustered*
Now you gotta wonder why we don’t do the usual “wow! lets watch it together” dialogue you see when familiar people see each other during their movie time. Well, in a nutshell, she hates me. Or she suggests she hates me, based from her body language and her 5 second attention span towards me. Hell, she sees me, she turns her head away almost a full 180! I don’t know the reason, heck, I don’t even WANT to know. It has to be something awful, but I just can’t quite put my foot on it. Oh yeah, she’s been like this to me for 3 years now. Talk about planting the seeds of hatred :/
Me: yep. *10 second awkwardness and silence* you with anyone?
Karen: *slightly frowns, looks down, shakes her head and says* nope. I’m single for the day! *she does this fake smile*
I take this answer two ways. The first, being that she’s alone, obviously. Who in their right mind would watch a love movie alone? oh right…lonely people do. Like me >_>
Second, she has this boyfriend, I’ve seen them throw glances at each other like knives, so I figured they had a fight or something. Two meanings, one word. Strong.
Me: Wow. and your clique?
She often hangs out with them. Can’t believe they’re not insight at TriNoMa. She and her clique have this affection towards this mall that I can’t seem to grasp myself. She must be REALLY down to not tell her friends she’s going to the mall alone, and watch a movie, alone.
Karen: They were pretty busy when I called them (I can spot liars easily, that’s because I used to be a VERY good liar myself. Her gestures, posture, body language, even the intonation of her voice tells me she’s lying.), and I was aching to watch the movie this week. I figured I’d have no time to watch it next week, nor do I know if its still showing ’til then.
She answers a mouthful, but I think so otherwise. She could’ve just said “I want to be alone right now.” and maybe add “That’s why. SO fuck off.”
Me: (I figured I’d at least TRY to comfort the poor thing) You…uh…wanna watch the film together? (I gesture at the ticketing booth. I do my defensive stance, I stretch my elbows with my arms and hands at my back) I’m a fan of the author. I’m alone too.
Karen: hmmmm…
She thinks for about 3 seconds, and maybe in that 3 seconds, she regrets finding me here, of all the times. Maybe in that 3 seconds, she asks herself if I’m just trying to have a little “date” with her. Maybe in the 3 seconds she was silent, she was thinking of just saying some obvious lie to escape the terrible fate she would endure if she ever sat with me inside a theater. She might even be thinking “what if people saw us together?!”
Karen: hmmmm…okay.
OH MY GOD.
Me: (The first word I wanted to say was “WOW!” but meh) Ok then. (Then I notice that the next in line was me plus her beside me now. We look like a couple actually. Awesome right?) Two tickets please. Premiere. (I look at Karen, her eyes inspect the perimeters. Scanning them, making sure noone she knows and who knows her sees her with me. Then I ask) Where’d you wanna sit? Want the top and very middle? We get a pretty nice view there. Like a TV.
Karen: uh…sure. Anywhere’s fine. (She barely makes eye contact with me. Bummer.)
Me: Okay! number 10 and 11 please. (The ticket woman hands me the two tickets. I give Karen her ticket, to at least let her know that I’m not forcing her to be with me, trying to date her. Then I look at the time) 1:00 PM, 10 minutes before its starts.
Karen: Oh okay.
WTF was that all about? “oh okay”?! I guess she’s not just depressed, but bored too -__-
Me: Shall we go?
Karen: Sure. Let’s go.
And we walked together to Cinema 3. We entered just as the movie ended. The lights were already on so visibility wasn’t a problem. We went to our seats, sat down. And I forgot something.
Me: You want popcorn? drinks? anything? (anything I can at least AFFORD, she’s got expensive taste, I assume.)
Karen: No thanks, I’m fine. I just ate lunch.
I sigh with relief. I had like P 300.00 left.
Me: Okay, same here.
So the both of us were just sitting there, no popcorn, no drinks, not a word in for the next 3 minutes. Then I break my silence
Me: Have you read the book?
I am so desperate to have a conversation and NOT bore her to death
Karen: Nope *shakes her head slowly, She looks at me* You?
Me: Yeah. I finished it just last night. Its all fresh still for me.
Karen: Oh. Okay. *scanning the perimeter again*
Yup, she’s bored.
Minutes before the film starts, two lesbian couples sit at our sides. How’d I knew they were lesbians? Trust me, though they look hot and sexy, you can tell. And just like that the trailers are rolling.
I watch her closely, I couldn’t help but savor the moment. I am inside a theater, with the girl I have strong feelings for, and we’re about to watch a love story. And the light’s are out, the movie starts.
Every now and then I glance at my seatmate, and all I see are lonely eyes. Trying to make sense of it all: the guy time traveling, and her life. She watches anxiously, often amazed at the parts where Eric Bana turns to mist and reappears naked somewhere else. I see her eyes flicker at the sight of Bana’s nudity. And I think to myself “see? men and women aren’t so different after all.”
And then I notice her right hand reaching for her left shoulder. She was feeling cold. I then make noises in my bag, searching for my jacket. It wasn’t supposed to take me long, its just that the theater was dark, so I had a hard time looking for my sweater. And when I found it, I quickly cover Karen’s shoulders with it.
Karen: No Alex, its fine.
She puts both her hands in front of her and gestures a “no, its okay” wave
Me: I insist. I already have it out, it’ll be a pain to get it back in. Might as well use it.
She still refuses. Then I somehow manage to reason with her and we come to terms that…
Karen: We should share it. I’ll be guilty if you catch a cold.
She looks at me, with concerned eyes and talks to me with a concerned voice.
Karen: Here
She gives me one half of the jacket, and we find out that the jacket barely fits two people. She stops.
Me: Okay, let’s get close? (I have to ask permission. Else I be beaten to a pile by her friends, if not her)
She ponders, then she nods slowly and says
Karen: Okay.
She and I both get closer to each other, and soon we are both encased inside my jacket. We both felt warm. Shoulder to shoulder, as we both watch the movie in front of us. I chance a glimpse of her face, her such beautiful face, so close to mine. I only dream the day this would happen, now I wish not to wake up from reality.
Me: *stares at her face*
Karen: *turns her head to her left a little, notices my eyes* Alex?
Me: …?! (I thought to myself “Holy! Damn damn damn! Bad move!”)
Karen: Alex…what is it?
Her breath touches my face. She shakes her head a little while she looks at me in confusion
Me: …nothing. I-its nothing. R-really.
My mind was a BLANK. The only thoughts I could think of were curses to myself for being so stupid.
She gets weirded out, her eyebrows looking confused as well. She frowns and proceeds to watch the movie.
Me: (I had to pull myself together) Karen…look…I’m sorry.
I am shaking and sweat drops form, despite the cold temperature of the theater.
Karen: *Still frowning and confused, then* nah…its cool. Why were you staring at me like that? (Again with her eyebrows)
Me: I just…(I had to tell the truth) thought how lonely you looked. So serious, so quiet, so…not you. (I turn my head from her, take a deep breath, and exhale slowly then face her again) Why?
Karen: *silence*
================================================
So there. I was preoccupied along the way so I wasn’t able to get to the real GOOD parts haha.
Thanks for reading it at least 
EDIT: Continuation
I get the feeling she probably won’t answer me, not like this anyway. It’s too inconvenient for the both of us. I mean, we’re trying to watch a movie and here I am meddling in things I should be ignoring. So I decided to just end it.
Me: Hey uh…sorry. Its okay, you don’t have to tell me anything.
She looks at me and she does a quick smile while she sighed softly. Then she whispered
Karen: Thanks…
And her eyes, though still lonely, lighted up just a bit and she gave me a big smile. Genuine at that. We then continued watching the movie.
Then I remember how close I am to her. Shoulder to shoulder, enclosed in my jacket to warm us up. I can’t help but notice her scent, how it I’d sniff it up like cocaine. I sound like a pervert here, but what I tell here is the truth. I divulge my senses, knowing that these things will probably only happen once.
None of us spoke a word for pretty much the rest of the movie. Save for the occasional “oh”s and “ah”s, we were really muted. All while I try and steal a glimpse of Karen’s face, so focused yet blurry with all the things that are currently bothering her. Life seemed so unfair when I look at her. I’m forming question marks as to what happened to make her have all this sense of hardship. To think of watching a love movie alone. To have her voice, her face, herself at a lost. Then again, I remember its not my place to mettle with her life. So I just sit here, confused as though I have her problems bearing on my shoulders.
I broke my silence yet again when the part where Rachel McAdams’ character Clare Abshire was feeling the hardships of being married to a time traveler. Always knowing that your husband would suddenly disappear at any given moment, not knowing where or when he goes, and his return is questionable. Whether alive or dead, she waits. So I said
Me: Wow, must be really hard to wait for someone like that huh?
Karen was silent, she’s either really into the whole movie thing or she’s just staring blankly. So I call her, just so I won’t have the feeling of getting humiliated by talking to a wall.
Me: Hey Karen…you okay?
Karen: …!
She snaps out of her trance and quickly turns her face towards mine, with her eyes big in surprise.
Karen: Oh! sorry! I was just lost there.
I thought to myself: “Lost?, is she relating to the movie? OMG her boyfriend’s a time traveler. Figures.”
Karen: Yeah, uh…what were you saying? I didn’t quite catch that. I’m sorry, I’m just so depressed today and…*Quickly covers her mouth with her right palm, almost slapping herself in the process*
Me: And?
Karen: N-n-no i-i-its nothing. *turns her head away from me* Really…its nothing. *frowns while her eyes see the ground, biting her upper lip*
Okay, so I guess this movie’s breaking her doors down. This is one of those make or break moments. Here I am, sitting very close to her, as if we’re a couple, watching a love movie. She’s sad, alone, and something’s bothering her. I either let this one go and just mind my own business and everything would be back to normal, or I go for it and just try to cushion her fall. Normally, I’d play it safe since she might get the notion that I’m trying to take advantage of her sorry state, which I’m not although it looks like I am. So I thought to myself “Meh, she hates me anyway, couldn’t probably get any worse than that.” So I take my chance and say
Me: You know, being hard on yourself won’t solve anything (I say this without turning away from the screen). Somethings in life aren’t worth punishing yourself for, no matter how much it seemed that it was your fault to begin with.
I look at her and I see her staring blankly ahead, I guess she’s hearing something she’s been telling herself. Only that she wanted to hear it from somebody else. She inhales deeply and looks at me with her clouded eyes. I notice how much she lights up to what I’m saying. Her face suggests that I should keep going, and she waits for the words anxiously. It only takes me a moment to realize all this, and now I better make a good statement. I’m pressured. Its like speaking in front of a well respected audience. I better pick my words carefully, or she might end up slapping me in the face, inside a theater. Everyone would think I was some kind of pervert if that would happen. Crap.
Me: (I continue) If it seems that way, then its better if you talk about it. Lots of people die because they’re afraid of telling anyone what made them miserable. We’re not inanimate to prohibit ourselves from expression. We’re human, and we have the right to feel sorry for ourselves. And because we’re human, it is our right to share the pain, the loneliness, our wanting, our needing. Its never wrong to be human, because its human to be wrong.
She blinks slowly a couple of times, and I appreciate this. This means I’m getting through to her. I pause as I notice her lips, trembling. They’re trying to say something. She opens and closes them, shaking. She wants to say something but she refuses to open up to me. Does she really hate me that much? I guess I better stop.
Me: (I turn towards the screen, inhale and exhale deeply. I turn to her and say) I’m sorry. I was…not minding my own business. *She stares at me, her eyes saddened* I went too deep…sorry. *I close my eyes and face the screen again.*
A moment of silence. Silence can be so deafening.
Karen: …it hurts.
My eyes open up and quickly turn to her. I listen attentively, her face lit up by the light that the screen emits. I notice water dripping from her right eye. She’s crying. She may have been keeping this to herself for a while now. She begins to break now. Oh no…I made her cry. Now everyone would notice and think I’m being a jerk. To hell with that, who cares about what everyone else thinks.
Karen: *sobs for a while* …it really hurts.
I have no idea what’s hurting her. I don’t want to ask her, in fear that she’ll just break more. So I decided to do what any guy would do to comfort the girl he cares about. I hug her. She seemed reluctant, her hands in prayer while they cover her face. She’s really letting it all out. We’re like this for a while, then she releases her hands and hugs me back. The way she hugged me was really full of emotion, as if she’s never hugged anyone in the longest time. At this point, I really felt her desperation, her desperation for someone, someone to understand her. To be there for her, without asking them. She lay her chin on my right shoulder and blurts it all out
Karen: This was supposed to be our make-up date…H-he told me he was s-sick and…and…he couldn’t go with me t-today then…then…
She broke down again, at this rate, we may have to leave the theater soon. Too much ruckus. Thank God we’re pretty far from the other movie goers
Karen: I saw him with someone else! and…and…
She really broke down, at this point I just had to let her know that she’s not alone…but how?!
