Hiling
Sana di nalang kita nakilala. Sana di nalang naging tayo.
Di sana kita iniisip; di ko sana naalala na wala ka na sa tabi ko.
Sana di mo sinabing mahal mo ko; sana hindi ko ito binalik sa’yo.
Hindi ko sana alam ang pakiramdam pag kasama ka; di ko sana nararamdaman ang ganitong sakit.
Kung wala ka, masaya sana ako ngayon at di naglulupasay tulad ng ginagawa ko sa harap mo.
Kaso ginusto ko ‘to eh; kasi ginusto kita.
Kaya kahit malungkot, kahit masakit, kahit hanggang dito nalang, salamat pa rin kasi nangyari ka sa buhay ko, at di kita malilimutan.
Kaya sana maalala mo rin ako.
PS: 10 years later, and I felt like writing this one. Saw a recent photo of Anna on Facebook (we’re not connected; we haven’t been in 10 years), and it made me remember things.
10 years ago, I said I would never publish here again. 10 years later, I’m posting this and I wouldn’t have remembered my oath had I not backread some of my work.
10 years is definitely long enough to forget a promise, but not long enough to forget how someone made you feel.
The fantasy is over
Like a flower she was beautiful; Like a torn she bled me; Like a man I loved her.
This will be the last piece in this blog. No more writing. I finally quit writing after about a year of being inspired to do so. Everything was just a dream to begin with, nothing was ever real about the sensation of having some sort of feeling of fulfillment; the fulfillment of having a dream, something to look forward to in the future, to want to be somebody one day. It was just an illusion I didn’t want to snap myself out from.
I was blinded by the way it gave me happiness, the way it made me feel whole, made me feel real, even. I’ve always known that there will come a day that I’ll have to stop writing but I never knew it would be this soon. You see, I realized that I got into writing, really got into it, last February 14; Valentine’s Day. It was so stupid too not to mention very immature of me to be inspired on the date that I knew I would curse myself for one day.
I was inspired by that girl to write and with the same inspiration to make me stop. I had to. Otherwise I’ll never be able to get over her. If I wanted to quit her and still write then it would be like closing a wound and opening it again. I’ll be the one that’s hurting in the end. I’d be carrying my own anchor.
I wish she knew that I truly loved her. That’s how true my feelings for her can get. She doesn’t know but everything in this blog, I mean everything, stemmed from me dreaming of a world where I was close to her; where she liked me. Yes, everything you see here is inspired by my dumb feelings for her. Feelings of not just love but of grief and frustration as well.
Everything; from the very first thing I published here to the very last. This was all secretly dedicated to her or rather how I imagined my life with her and without her.
When I knew of the impending danger my feelings were harboring towards her, I really wanted to stop. Red as the light may go, I wanted to push the breaks. However, my emotions overpowered my mind and kept on going. And kept going I did. I sought help from various people already. She, my inspiration, was just too damn hard to forget.
I mean how could I? God wasn’t helping me forget her one bit. She was just everywhere; her name was everywhere.
Lady Anorexia
Everyday I always see,
This beautiful little lady.
Sitting right next to me,
How pallid and thin was she!
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Her skin white complexion pales;
Eyes sinking, veins showing.
Her beauty disappears, vanishing
Lovely she no longer is
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Her elbows sticking out; spikes.
Fingers like dry branches without leaves.
She bore no flower, no fruit.
Drought settled; life goes away.
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She’s a total stranger now.
Far from the one I loved.
Her Lust for beauty ended.
She died; her heart gave out.
Quits
We had it best, the two of us.
Until it was gone with the wind’s gust.
I cried, cried, and cried some more.
I thought of suicide like never before.
***
P.I.
Matagal na kitang mahal,
Alam ng poong may kapal.
Simula pa lang, ikaw na talaga,
Wala na kong ginustong iba .
A Little Fantasy Chapter 2: Never Forgotten
Prologue
Chapter 1
===============================================
ALEX
August 29 2014
I’m busy preparing myself for my first happy time since that day. Hannah’s a breath of fresh air. But I really wonder how she got the timing right. Still, what she did for me this morning was such a pleasant surprise. I really should be thankful.
I got myself wearing a striped, black and white, long sleeved polo with black and white chequered denim pants with my shoes being a low-cut converse with shades of black and white to match my awesome monochrome look.. Hannah’s fond of wearing colors. I just hope she likes my black and white life.
I still do
“I’m sorry” was all I could say,
Yet you still kept on your way.
It saddens me now that you’re gone;
I suffer from what I’ve done.
Love Note
I’ve been lying to myself this past few weeks.
I really did my best to hate you.
I even went as far as bash you in my blogs and other sites with no apparent reason except for fun and enjoyment.
But you know what? with every curse I put next to your name, I hurt. Alot.
Save me
I dreamed of a thousand nights and just one day.
I wonder what took you so far, far away.
But you’re not here and you’re not there.
Yet I feel your presence everywhere.
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My love for a girl named Anna 