PROLOGUE
Alex
How did I let this happen? The first thing that popped in my mind as I regain consciousness. The mornings I have now are different unlike the ones I had before. I wake up in my bed and I am reminded again that I no longer share this bed with anyone. She’s gone now and I can only feel remorse for what I could’ve done and hatred towards myself for not doing them. As much as I wanted to feel happy for her that day, I just could not bring myself to erase the thoughts of how she’ll be going away from me forever. No longer will we see each other, smell each other’s scent, feel each other’s touch, those days are gone for good. It was inevitable, as I begin to play the memories we found for each other, memories that I’d gladly keep and throw away everything else for. It was Karen who went on her way, and I still can’t find myself to move an inch from the very spot where we both stopped being “us” and started being “You and Me”.
Now I lie here in bed, in what used to be our apartment. I close my eyes and try to sleep again, to try and dream of the days where we were both happy, uncaring for what the world might do to us, what it might do to hinder us.
Karen
“Oh Alex…” I realize that these are the first words that I’ve muttered this morning as I lose touch with my dreams and open my eyes to reality. I no longer bear with me a smile every morning unlike back then, a smile which kept me looking forward to tomorrow. I look to my right and see before me the man I have to love, the man I’ll have to force myself to be with, to try and live the rest of my life halfheartedly. It was still so fresh to me, as if everything just happened yesterday. Alex and I, it was fate that decided to join us and it was also fate that decided to separate us. I always wonder why fate played a cruel joke on us, ever since I found out that I’ll belong no longer to Alex. It was all so fast that I feel as if time has slipped away from my palms that I couldn’t keep up, I couldn’t bear in mind the fact that we were never meant to be. Time did not allow me to get used to this feeling yet.
Now I find myself struggling to catch up on what has happened in my life. As the rest of the world moves on, I’m stuck in the past and still cannot accept what God has decided for me. I lie on my back on my new bed, my eyes view the ceiling of my new home as a canvas to which I paint my memories with Alex every morning, every night; as I wake up and as I fall asleep. I want, rather, need to forget yet also dream of him at the same time every single day. I am confronted with a dilemma every moment, a dilemma in which I hurt no less than the day we both bid our last words to each other.
Now I lie here in bed longing for his breath, his touch, his eyes, but most of all, his love. I’d give anything to relive the past once more. I’d do anything to be with him again.
Protected: Draft Prologue: A Little Fantasy ver 1
The days when songs I listen to gave my life more meaning than it should are over.
I’ve forgotten their purpose, as I have forgotten you.
*shoots her picture in the face*
And my life reverts to emptiness, and meaning, lost.
Still, memories of bliss remain, as will the scars of hoping.
*reloads gun*
…and I cannot live with it. *shoots self in the heart* I love you still…*dies*
I was walking down the alley, about to make my way home just in time to get some sleep. I chanced upon this weird man in a black hood coming up to me. I was startled, so I backed away yet the man came closer. I figured I can take this old man if a fight ensued so I asked “Gramps, what’s your problem?” He answered “Nothing my son. It’s just that I have come to tell you of your misfortune.”
This guy must be a wack job. I thought I got time to kill, I might as well play along. “So grampa, what is my so-called ‘misfortune’?” He tells me “For one, I am death. Isn’t that misfortune enough?”
I hardly contained myself from laughing. I didn’t realize how serious his face was until I stopped and asked “ARE YOU HIGH GRAMPS?! It’s really late and you’re not supposed to be outside.” He replied “Oh, that is a misconception. Death comes and goes whenever it likes.”
I thought “Is this guy fucking serious?!”. I decided to leave. “Whatever gramps. I’m tired, it’s late, I got work in the morning. See ya!” He then hastily replied “You cannot walk away from death for death always waits at the end of every destination. The destination which is life.”
I’ve had it with this old coot. He started to creep me out. I came close to him and asked a rather sarcastic question “So if you’re really death, tell me this: When am I gonna die?” in which he vaguely replied “I do not know when. But there are clues for a person to know when their time is almost up.”
I was fascinated at his answer. So I dared him one more time before I finally just leave him and treat this night as one of those bizarre moments in life. “Okay, so how do WE know we’re about to die?”
With a frown, he replied in a low voice “Death talks to them.”
I am feeling dark.
Thoughts of death come to mind.
Malice, hatred, and joy are intertwined.
The light vanishes; Not a flicker remain.
=
The joys of life turn bleak.
Everything reduced to nothing.
Ashes ashes, dust to dust.
Even iron turns to rust.
=
So much black, not a hint of white.
Blind or not, there is no difference.
Despair is found, radiance is lost.
So much darkness, no sign of life.
=
Death has begun, life has ceased.
Eternal fall, deep abyss.
Wails of emptiness fill the air.
Not one escape.
=
“God has forgotten me”
So there I was, standing at the altar, about to get married.
A garden wedding was the theme. It was a wonderful Sunday morning, out in the meadows, green grass, the skies clear, trees waving, and birds singing in the air. With white flowers, white cloth, a few wooden Greek pillars, a bit of creativity and a hint of imagination, the wedding planner was able to replicate a typical Greek wedding. The chairs were a mix of black and white. The pillars were arranged at the sides with the flowers decorated in a vine-like fashion, with the white cloth tied to each pillar connecting the other. The ends of the cloth were tied across the altar and a big ribbon was made. Black cloth was also used as a background to help bring out the white.
The men wore black while the women wore white, as the bride and groom did the same. They were all in formal: the men wore tuxedos and the women wore brilliantly adorned white dresses. The women were careful not to outshine the bride. I was wearing a tuxedo too, save for the white flower on my left chest pocket, I don’t stand out among the men. My bride wore a long pearl-white gown, adorned with rows upon rows of white roses. She was extravagant. The scene was like a chess board in the middle of a grassland with black and white at opposite sides, and the wonderful colors of nature surrounding them. The priest was our parish priest whom we, the couple, felt close too. He wore a standard cassock.
Everything was perfect. The theme, the set up, the music, the violins, the choir, God; Everything was just brilliant, not a lace too much nor a flower too less. There I was, in front of everyone, friends and family, God, and most of all, my bride. In a few minutes I’d be married and officially be a husband. Nothing could go wrong, nothing at all. read more…
I opened my eyes and saw myself falling endlessly into what seemed to be a dark, bottomless pit. It was all black, endless black, not a drop of light present. The only thing I felt was the sensation of falling: air, speed, gravity, and fear. It was funny, though, how I never panicked. It was as if I was already used to this feeling.
I could only ask myself “How did I get here?” and I ask myself that question a hundred times over and I’d still get no answer. I figured “Okay, I guess I’ll just fall ’til I hit something”. Until I hit something…
Light somehow reaches this hole and I see something beneath me getting larger, and larger. Finally, I see the concrete floor beneath me. As my body inches away from it, an explosion of white light engulfs me.
I woke up in my bedroom and realize that I had been dreaming, that same recurring dream, again. The dream of how I fell through an elevator shaft as I plummeted to my death. I went back to sleep and told myself:
“I knew I should’ve skipped the alcohol before I tried to fix the cables”
“I once fell in love with who I knew was the best. Now that I crushed him, and moved on, I find myself missing what seemed to be my whole life altogether.” read more…
Ano ba ang magagawa ng tatlumpung minuto sa buhay natin?
“Guys baba na tayo! EeeKay na!”
Nakarating na pala kami sa Enchanted Kingdom. Tagal ko nang di napunta dito. Huling apak ko sa lugar na ‘to 3rd year hayskul pa. Ngayon college graduate na’ko. Nakakamiss nga naman ang mga rides na talagang babaliktarin ang sikmura mo. Noon isang ride na nakakatakot lang ang sinakyan ko, yun ang Anchor’s Away. Nakakatakot ito para sakin dahilan sa may takot ako sa mga matataas na lugar at sa pakiramdam na nahuhulog. Pero ngayon, balak kong tapatan ang takot na nararamdaman ko at sasakyan ko, ng kahit isang beses man lang, ang lahat ng nakakatakot na ride dito. Susulitin ko na rin ang Ride-All-You-Can ng EK.
Dumaan ang ilang oras na walang sawang katatawanan at sigawan sa saya ng mga ginawa namin dito. Biglang naisipan ng grupo na magsama-sama na ang mga mag-on. Ewan ko ba kung bakit nila naisip yun, Di naman karamihan ang magkarelasyon sa section namin. Sinabi ko ito sa kanila, kaya ang ginawa nalang ng class president namin: Pumunta sa bagong gawang Tunnel of Love at mag random pair-up doon. Maraming babae kaysa lalaki sa section namin. Ayos lang naman sa iba kung babae sa babae dahil magkakaibigan naman sila. Eh paanu kaming mga lalaki? siguro ayos lang sa mga guy classmates ko kung mag-pair up sila sa babae dahil lagi naman silang gumigimik. Eh ako?! mapupuno ng katahimikan ang bangkang sasakyan namin ng partner ko. Kung alam ko lang, di na sana ako nagsalita pa tungkol dito.
Napilitan na lamang akong pumila. Last day na nga naman namin bilang magkakaklase, bahala na lang kung anung kagaguhan ang maganap. Sana lang matino ang makasama ko.
Lahat naman ng nauna sa ‘kin ayos lang talaga na mag-partner sila. Sabi ng mga nauna, talaga daw maganda sa loob, 30 minutes daw yung isang pasada. Di mo iisiping ganoon pala kahaba ang byahe. Dahil na rin siguro para sa mga gustong magkaroon ng sariling oras, lalo na sa mga taong may kasintahan. Talagang magiging sweet ang moments ng magkarelasyon sa loob.
Paanu naman yung hindi?! Paanu na’ko?!
Dumaan ang ilang sandali, at ako na pala ang susunod. Ilang beses nang dumaan sa isip ko na mag-backout sa kalokohang ako ang dahilan kung bakit nangyayari. May harang pala sa bawat pares kaya talagang di mo malalaman kung sino ang kasama mo hangga’t di ka nakapila sa mismong pasukan. Nabigla na lamang ako sa naging partner ko.
“Karen…!” Napatingin ako sa babaeng sasamahan ko.
“Alex?!” Ganun din sya sa akin.
“Ikaw partner ko?” Tanong ko sa kanya
“Ha? Ewan…!” Sagot nya.
“Uuuuuuuy! yikeeeee hahahah!” sabay tukso ng mga kaklase ko.
Pareho naming ayaw tumuloy. Dahil na rin siguro sa di kami naguusap kung di naman kailangang magusap. Di rin kami nagpapansinan. Tatlong taon akong asar na asar sa kanya. Marahil nagtataka kayo: “Paanu yung isang taon?” Isang taon lang naiba ang pananaw ko sa kanya. Isang araw ko ring ginawang tanga ang sarili ko dahil sa ginawa ko para sa kanya.
“BILISAN NYO NGA! AMBAGAL!” Sambit ng isang kong kaklase.
“Sige sige sige!” Sigaw ko sa kanila.
“Tara, para matapos na.” Sabi ko kay Karen.
